Jez Sayin

Extraordinary Voice for Personal Growth

Archive for Relationship

Relationships comes in stages

Originally by: Yahtta Jones

Are you guys aware that relationships comes in stages? I ‘ll walk you through them.

1. Initiating-this is where the relationship begins by one of you initiating contact.
2. Experimenting-this is when the two of you get better aquainted like small talk, finding out more of one another.
3. Intensifying– during this stage the two of you begin to express feelings to one each other.Verbally and non-verbally. May even say that you are couple.
4. Intergrating-during this time you are definitely a couple and society views you as such. You meet each others family and buy things together. You may even see some changes within yourself such as your attitude about life, become a better listener, or change your appearance.
4. Bonding-During this stage is marriage or promise’s are made to never part.
5. Differentiating– This stage now that you guys have committed to one another, one or both of you will feel the need to regain their independence. Which can include going out with friends, joining to a gym, or taking up some type of hobby. This stage is one of the hardest to except because one of us will feel threated by the situation.
6. Circumscribing– This is when the relationship really began to take a turn for the worst. You guys won’t communicate, avoid discussing problems and become overly critical of each other. You guys will become less interested to maintain the relationship.
7. Stagnating– This is when the relationship stops growing;  it’s like the two of you go through the motions with less feelings and enthusiasm. Neither of you really love each other anymore, just staying involved because of fear of being alone, or the kids or pure convenience. The intimacy of the past is gone and self disclosure has stopped.
8. Avoiding– You guys spend little time together and almost all communication has ceased. It has become to difficult and very uncomfortable to be together. You may begin to make excuses on why you cant see one another.
9. Terminating-Relationship Ends!

I learned this years ago in my communications class and thought nothing of it. What stage are you in?

Thanks for reading…

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Before I fall in LOVE with YOU….

10 Questions to ask Yourself

Use these questions as a starting point to help you determine whether you are ABOUT to step into a relationship that is likely to be POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE.

1. Are you giving yourself time to learn your new partner?

2. Do you feel good about YOURSELF when you are with this person?

3. Do you respect each other for WHO your are RIGHT NOW?

4. Do you SHARE similar VALUES?

5. Do you both have your OWN friends?

6. Do you have similar RELATIONSHIP goals?

7. Is the relationship able to withstand DISAGREEMENT?

8. Do you have similar views about friendships?

9. Do you and your partner respect each others DIFFERENCES?

10. Do you pay attention to the RED FLAGS?

10 Answers….

1. Time is essential, If you are ‘in love’ in a very short period of time….you might be in love with LOVE.

2. If being with your partner leaves you with feeling of not wanting to be yourself…there is definitely a problem. Remember:  It’s your feeling that counts.

3. If you find yourself saying, you would like your partner if only if they would change…you may need to rethink the relationship.

4. Never over look the importance of having similar values, you do not have to be a carbon copy of each other, but if your values are too different, this might not work.

5. Do not ever give up your friends to focus exclusively on your relationship. DO NOT ever enter into a relationship where giving up your friends is a requirement of there relationship.

6. If you know you are looking for one type of relationship and your potential partner is looking for another-do not put yourself through the  misery of trying to change your partner’s mind.

7. No relationship is without some disagreement, the trick is to learn to engage in productive disagreements.

8. Be willing to give some insight into your partners views about value and importance of others….pay attention to what others are saying.

9. Define what YOUR RED FLAG IS….AND PAY ATTENTION!!!!!

Share your thoughts and questions by commenting below..would love to hear from you!

HELL is…not knowing

(Excerpt from my book “Go to HELL“)

This is how I know:  I was once in a loveless relationship that wasn’t working, and I knew it. I stayed out of fear thinking I could handle it. I was not thinking of how I was starving myself of affection and compassion.

Unknowingly, I put myself in a very vulnerable place, and before I knew it, I was having an affair. I didn’t see it coming, and I was not looking, so when it happened it caught me off guard.  She said she loved me and she knew what I needed, because I had unwillingly given her information on how to love me. And soon I was deeply head-over-hills in love with this woman.

At the time, I didn’t realize that you cannot build love and happiness off of others’ pain.  I even began to feel this sense of entitlement; I deserved to have this love, her love. I felt I needed her love more than the person she was with. If you would have asked me would I ever cheat on someone, I would have proudly and defiantly said no.

But today I know my capabilities, so I set boundaries for myself. So when things show up for you, ask yourself, “Is this something I can deal with? Will this fit on my plate, or should I pass it up?” That’s what a person does when they know, because not knowing can cost you a lot of heartaches and pain. That’s hell.

Capability is what you can and cannot handle. Most of us have been taught that in order to be considered a strong person we must deal with everything that comes our way.  Could I have marched with Martin Luther King Jr. in the peace march? Or am I better suited for Malcolm X? I think I’m better suited for Malcolm X. I have not yet learned so well to turn the other cheek, but I’m getting better.

I know that I have not grown enough in spirituality, so I avoid arguments.  I am okay with agreeing to disagree; that’s what works for me. This is from my experience, so it helps me not to keep putting myself in situations that are not for my highest good. Take time to know what you can and cannot handle, so you will be able to avoid some of the drama that comes your way.

I’m not liking you…but I love you!

Trying to Love someone you don’t Like.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed: for love is sufficient unto love” –The Prophet

Another way of putting it, It takes a fool to learn, love don’t love nobody.

We think love and like are the same, but there is a big difference. Love is unconditional but like, it has conditions. So before you…fall in love again, make a list of things you like, dislike and things that are deal breakers.

We have the power to control our emotions in every situation; it’s that split second before we open the door to our heart, so know the importance’s of dating.

People do tell you who they are if we just take out the time to listen. And stop being in such of a hurry to give yourself away…time is your best friend, so take your time and see how they handle life when it shows up…and it will show up.

Before you invest your emotions stop and pay attention, people can only dance the bullish dance for a minute. Trust what you feel…not what they say, everybody is not hearty enough to have a front seat in your life.

If you are tired of ending up with the same old s@#$, you will start by beginning to live consciously. You will take the time to know what it is you’re looking for in a person, and what you’re bringing to the table to share with someone else.

You must be honest with self, if you like to be shown affection, why choose some one who doesn’t like to be touched? If you have a great sex drive, fine someone that loves to ride….Know you and you will know what you’re looking for in a person.

The only reason to enter into a relationship is because this is what you want. Period. Not because you’re lonely,  needy, or you want to feel like you belong.

Remember: We attract who we are and not what we want. The trick is to like the person we love.

Im jezsayin…